DIY Heavan

Once upon a time there were three little pigs who lived on the same street. They were very good friends, and got along wonderfully. But one day a big bad wolf came along. He went to the first little pig's house.

"Have you considered flat refurbishment?" he asked the little pig.

"What is flat refurbishment?" the pig replied, for he was not up on real estate terminology.

"flat refurbishment is when you build an addition or an improvement to your existing flat, to make it more valuable and improve your living conditions," the well-educated wolf replied.

"Oh, I would like that!" exclaimed the little pig. "Can we start at once?"

So the big bad wolf huffed, and he puffed, and he demolished the first little pig's flat, for it was made of straw. The little pig ran screaming to his friend's house, just down the street, and hid under the bed.

Then the big bad wolf went to the second little pig's house. "Have you considered extending your house?" he asked the little pig.

"What is extending your house?" the second little pig replied, for he was not up on real estate terminology either.

"Extending your house is when you build an addition to your house to give you more living room," the clever wolf replied.

"Oh, I would like that very much!" the second little pig said.

So the big bad wolf huffed, and he puffed, and he demolished the second little pig's house, for it was made of sticks. The second little pig ran screaming to his friend's house and hid under the bed with the first little pig.

Then the big bad wolf went to the third little pig's house. "Have you considered remodeling your shower or bath?" the big bad wolf asked.

"Why, no. And I'm not considering it now, either." And the third little pig slammed his door on the big bad wolf.

Now the big bad wolf huffed, and he puffed, but he couldn't blow down the house, because it was made of bricks. He tried and tried, and he got madder and madder. And inside, the little pigs were singing this song:

"You can blow down a house made of straw,

You can blow down a house made of sticks,

You can blow til you're blue and don't know what to do,

But you can't hurt a house made of bricks!"

And surely enough, the bricks were immune to the wolf's huffing and puffing. Finally, he conceded, and after a lengthy negotiation, it was agreed that all three pigs would live together in the brick house, and that the big bad wolf would be responsible for cleaning up the other two houses and for the cost of skip hire to get rid of the debris.

So they all lived happily ever after, until the housing market crashed three months later.